A recurring title keeps floating in my mind during this period of my life—something I feel the need to write about. It’s a topic that, although I know I’m not alone in facing in MS Battle, still manages to make me feel isolated. Psychological warfare.
Why I Call It a “War” for this MS Battle
I use the term “warfare” because anyone who’s gone through such an experience will undoubtedly agree. We genuinely feel like we’re in the middle of a battle.
There are even days when I feel like a hero for not engaging in this psychological war. I tell myself, “Look, you won!” Of course, only in my head 🙂
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The Challenge of Understanding Emotions
I’ve always been an emotional person. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand, analyze, question, and sometimes share my feelings—or not share them and let them grow inside, turning into anxiety. Later, I’d have emotional outbursts, sharing them with John in the end.
I don’t claim to have solved or understood all my emotions, but I choose my words carefully when I try to describe them. Sometimes, I use tastes, smells, and feelings (like when I describe “restlessness” by saying, “my stomach feels dark”). I use whatever tangible experiences I can, hoping the person listening will understand my feelings.
The Importance of Describing Our Feelings in MS Battle
Using words to describe our emotional state is, I believe, the first step in coping with our situation.
I remember exactly how I felt when I was first diagnosed with MS.
“I feel darkness in my stomach,” I would say. But how could my stomach possibly feel light or dark? Could darkness even be felt? The reality was, I was full of anxiety, fear, and stress, all of which seemed to make my stomach issues worse.
Fear of MS Attacks
In simple terms: I was terrified.
Every time I feared another MS attack would come, that darkness returned to my stomach. Then, slowly, the fear was replaced by a calmer attitude of, “Even if it comes, my doctor and I are handling it.” Eventually, that gave way to “It won’t come because I am strong.”
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How Writing and Support Heal Me in MS Battle
After being diagnosed with MS, my emotional state hasn’t changed much. Even as I grow older, my emotions still feel fresh and childlike. Maybe that’s why writing feels so therapeutic. Meeting people who understand also boosts my morale—I’m so grateful for them.
(Sharing our emotions—is it really a childlike act?)
Facing Loss While Dealing with MS
I’ve shared in some articles before that I lost a close friend—a person I considered family—in a car accident. Facing the reality of death so suddenly, and knowing I’ll never see them again, has left me grappling with sorrow and waves of longing.
I don’t know if you can feel the lump in my throat as I write, but I’ll take some deep breaths and attempt to continue.
Emotions Are Not a Sign of Weakness even in MS Battle
MS warriors are not the only ones trying to navigate the intense emotional ups and downs of life. People without MS aren’t necessarily keeping solutions to emotional turmoil from us. They just might approach things with a bit more logic, or perhaps they simply shrug it off.
As I said, the world is full of people hiding behind robotic masks. To them, expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. Yet, in reality, it’s an act of great courage.
The Link Between MS and Our Emotional State
MS and psychology often run parallel, in my opinion. Why? Because when we feel sad, broken, or happy, our immune system experiences it alongside us.
Most of the time, I talk about my immune system as if it’s a separate entity—like it has its own character. Of course, I know it’s part of me, but whatever I go through, it seems to go through even more. And it responds, too.
Listening to Your Body’s Signals
For example, when I eat healthily, it doesn’t get sick; it feels stronger. But when I’m sad, it invites illness.
Without developing a split personality, of course, I believe we should learn to understand our immune systems.
Even if medicine hasn’t yet fully cracked the code, the answer lies in knowing yourself.
Self-Reflection: What Brings You Peace?
What makes you happy? What doesn’t?
Who makes you feel better? Who doesn’t?
All these answers are hidden inside you. You probably don’t want to share them with others, fearing that you’ll upset them. But let me tell you a secret: You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. Talk to the right person, the one who brings light to your stomach 🙂 If talking to them feels good, keep doing it. You will be a healing force for each other.
In the aftermath of this painful loss, one thing has become clear to me:
We heal by sharing.
That doesn’t mean we have to talk about the same topic over and over again. Sometimes, sharing silence is just as comforting. Remembering sweet memories and smiling quietly helps too…
Reminder: I am not a doctor, nor a pharmaceutical rep. I’m just someone with MS since 2013, sharing my journey. I don’t give medical advice or recommend treatments. The pictures inside this article has been produced with AI.
With love, Pirden
