Last week, as those who follow me on social media will have seen, we lost my grandmother. We sent her to join my grandfather after a fulfilling life of 96 years. While this mourning was undoubtedly a sorrowful process, for us Mevlevis, it is referred to as Seb-i Arus, which means the night of union with God or the Wedding Day.
Due to several inquiries from people I’ve recently met, I wanted to shed some light on this topic… Normally, writing about these processes as someone who lives them quietly and introspectively is somewhat painful. I apologize in advance for my convoluted sentences…
Seb-i Arus and Mourning
Although Seb-i Arus is known for being the term used at the death of Rumi (17 December), it actually describes the moment anyone reunites with the Beloved, that is, God.
When you tell me “you should not be sad” because of my MS, you are unintentionally being unfair to me. I appreciate your thoughtful gesture, but of course, I will celebrate my grandmother’s life first and then mourn her absence, yet also rejoice for her union with her loved one, albeit with a heavy heart…
In my articles a few years ago, I talked about losing someone very close to me, almost like a brother. I feel the same about my mother-in-law, who I lost last year. I actually don’t feel their absence in my heart; they are always with me because I carry all my loved ones in my heart.
My grandmother continues with her loved ones, but also with us, in our hearts…
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I actually wanted to talk about how I manage the mourning process with MS.
That’s how I started the article, true.
Due to MS, I don’t remove my mask among crowds. Nevertheless, I try to avoid crowded places. Even though this might mean you have to isolate and make yourself lonely at times, understanding family members are always there for you, ensuring you are never alone. For those without understanding family members, remember the person you mourn is always with you…
Try not to grieve to the point of making yourself sick…
MS is already like a naughty child looking for a place to cause trouble. Try not to give it a “reason” to wreak havoc on you. I know the last thing you want to think about during mourning is yourself; I feel that, too. But if you ruin yourself, you could put everyone around you in a difficult position, including yourself. You know how unpredictable MS can be…
Feel while mourning…
Your fatigue, your thirst, your hunger… Yes, sometimes you won’t feel like eating anything while mourning, but don’t forget you need to take care of yourself. Withdrawing to rest and not participating in household chores is not rudeness but rather a considerate act. Don’t mind what others think; everyone mourns in their own way.
Don’t isolate yourself…
Don’t distance yourself and shut everyone out. Experience the mourning process with your community. You might disagree, but I believe no one should try to persuade each other during this time. You should be able to express your thoughts freely. Or you may disagree with someone else’s thoughts. Don’t isolate and sadden yourself.
Getting through the mourning process in your own steps, at your own pace, is entirely unique to you. As you will notice in funerals and prayers, life outside continues just as it did in the months before. This might twist your insides (it does mine)… But isn’t that also a reassurance?
The sun will rise again… Tomorrow will dawn anew…
As time goes by, we will no longer cry as we remember those we mourn; we will remember their sweet, adorable ways and then smile.…
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